A man walked in to a bar with some asphalt on his arm. He said “Two beers please, one for me and one for the road.”

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

How do hens stay fit? They always egg-cercise!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

What do you call an eagle who can play the piano? Talonted!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents.